It's just ADHD. It's JUST ADHD. Like having the label makes it easy to understand what to expect. It doesn't. It can be all consuming for the whole family when a child requires more. A bright child who's experience in this world is set to a 1000GB download, but they aren't able to organize that amount of information in a way that allows them to be successful. It's destructive. It destroys self esteem. It destroys calm. It destroys kids. It destroys parents. It makes everything harder. It feels like constant chaos. I never know when tempers will flare. When will the yelling begin? The patience required isn't always there. The great stresses of life compound the complexity of dealing with a child who needs and requires more than there is to give. It is an incredibly lonely journey.
After a couple years of medication made day to day life more tolerable, it just stopped working. The improvements slipped away and then we were living with an angry, argumentative, little person again. Yeah, every kid gets angry and every kid argues, but this is more of it, more often, and more extreme. He's only 10 and under 100lb. He started yelling at a 6'3'' referee because he didn't like a call on his game. He yells at everyone, argues over the slightest things. He's hyper critical of everything, constantly negative, and controlling. Mix in some anxiety about how awful things could be in the worst possible scenario imaginable and that's the usual conversation. It's so hard to be happy when that takes over a child. It's hard to want to spend time with a child that requires so much guidance. Some days I just don't have any more to give.
We tried adjusting the medication and adding a little bit more and it was just awful. A month of walking on eggshells. When was the next explosive outburst going to happen? I feel like so much time is spent mitigating. Eventually, he was switched to a different medication. It feels like I have my son back again. He's funny, happy, and intense. It's just taken so much to get there. We are back to trying to get into therapy again so we can be better parents and so he can have some strategies to approach things differently. I am just so afraid for what the future holds for this Dr Jekyll, Mr. Hyde scenario. Does this mean he will always have to be medicated to function socially?
