Single Parenting a Tantrum-Throwing 2 year Old

Over the last week Mr. Cobra has been out of town working on a video shoot. I've been taking care of Dexter outside of my normal work hours by myself. It was scary the first few days because he's been throwing epic tantrums over the simplest things like which of the 2 identical oatmeal packets is poured into his bowl in the morning, or which direction I throw his ball. My favorite one (that is still ongoing) is that he isn't finished eating even if nothing is on his plate, or he's been sitting there playing for 20 minutes since his last bite of food. These all entail screaming and kicking fits. I suppose it's not THAT bad unless you have to listen to him scream for half an hour or more. We are still doing cool-off time in the green chair, but sometimes he gets so upset that it doesn't work. The week before last, was one week I'd rather forget because it felt like he was screaming in rage every time I was around him. I found going to work to be the best thing I could do since he doesn't seem to blow his top quite as bad or at least as often with the nanny. It made me wonder why on Earth did I decide to get knocked up again.

The oddest tantrums are at night. When he was going through the worst days of tantrums, he'd start screaming at 2am. He'd be dreaming about me taking this or that away from him. No amount of convincing worked that I did not take whatever item he dreamed I had taken. One night it was soap, another night it was a book. I was so desperate to calm him down, I picked up a book and gave it to him to sleep with so he would stop screaming. That worked, sort-of. To switch things up a bit, one night he was screaming that "NO! I'm Not going!" I still have no idea where he wasn't going at 2am other than back to sleep. That was one I couldn't fix.

When he's having a tantrum, it's impossible to rationalize with him. He usually can't be re-directed very easily into more constructive behavior. I've looked at many tantrum tips and tried most of them at one point or another to no avail. The most effective one to date was to close the door to his room so he couldn't get out, and let him scream for a bit. I only opened the door once he had finally stopped screaming, but I did talk to him through the door so he knew I was there. I just don't know what to do with him once he reaches the boiling point when he's kicking and screaming like a little animal. He'll push me, hit me, kick me and grab my hair. It's not pleasant to be the target of a 2 year old attack-toddler. He must have gotten my temper.

Luckily, as I mentioned before, whatever was causing that madness seems to have passed. I'd like to think that maybe I've just found the proper way to deal with it, but I find that highly unlikely. He's back to giggling, singing and wanting hugs — the sweet little boy that makes me feel guilty for working some days. Now he protests, but it's not usually a throwdown worthy pf Pay-Per-View like in the recent past. The middle-of-the-night tantrums seems to have disappeared as well. He still wakes up too early, in the crabbiest moods some mornings. I've started to bribe him with gummy vitamins to go back to sleep. Maybe it's better sleep, maybe it's hormonal, I have no idea, but I definitely understand why they call it the "terrible twos". I can only imagine how it will get worse over the next year.

The Cat is Out of the Bag -13 weeks

On Wednesday, September 30th we announced the pending birth of the second Cobra baby. We had an ultrasound to complete the first trimester integrated screening for Trisonomy 18 and Down Syndrome. We tested negative with the odds being fantastically low for the most common chromosonal disorders. We got a good look at the baby who is about 3 inches long and looks very much like an itsy-bitsy baby. It was bobbing it's head like a little rocker.

We also discovered it's gestational age is 3 days ahead of schedule, so my due date will move up a little bit to earlier April. I'm not worried about the due date since most babies aren't born on their due dates. Instead, this time around I'm going to generalize with early April. That way I won't obsess about a certain day and neither will anyone else.

Dexter has been having a hard time with me having morning sickness. The days or times when I've been sick, I can't pick him up or even sit next to him because he wiggles so much that it makes me even more nauseous. He's been throwing horrible tantrums and misbehaving left and right. Partially, it's the last of his second year molars coming in along with the debut of the terrible twos, but he was manageable until I got sick. During the worst of it, he was really acting out by screaming and doing things he normally wouldn't do to get into trouble. I've been blessed with a vibrant, but well-behaved child until now. I'm sure it will pass and it is already getting a little better.

My morning sickness isn't as bad as it was with him, thankfully, but I've still missed a lot of work. I just got back to working in the office again after a month of working at home when I've felt well enough. I'm very fortunate that I can do that. I've only been vomiting once or twice a day through the worst of it and that's much better than having to be on medicine for vomiting 3-5 times a day iek I was with Dexter. It has been slowly tapering, though the fatigue is still having me in bed around 9pm most nights. It doesn't leave me much time to spend with Mr. Cobra, who is nothing short of incredible.

Throughout the times when I've been too sick to get off of the couch, my fantastic husband has taken care of Dexter. He's taken over for me entirely some days - especially the week that was supposed to be our vacation in San Diego when I spent all but 2 days sick on the couch. Not only has he taken care of Dex, but he's fixed my food and got me whatever I asked for even if it meant a quick run to the store. If I needed a nap, he'd take Dexter out to the playground, so it would be quiet for me to sleep as long as I needed to. I don't know what I would've done without him through this sickness, even if it is partially his fault *wink*. It's been a great bonding experience between father and son, as well. One that will likely only grow stronger once the sibling makes it's debut.

Under Cover

I've been sick with a bug in my stomach the past few weeks, so I haven't been able to post much. I'm feeling better, I think. I'm not really sure since it comes and goes without any rhyme or reason. Tomorrow I may be attached to couch again. I've actually made it out of the house this week as opposed to last week when I took the dog out once and went to Crissy Fields for a couple hours and that was it for outside time.

We had to cancel our vacation to San Diego because of me not feeling up to par. We are enjoying a stay-cation instead, but since we aren't actually gone, it's harder to not work. It's way too easy to jump on the phone, check email, write email, etc when we are supposed to just be chilling. Damn iPhones! I love them and hate them at the same time. I don't want Dexter remembering his parents always looking at a screen.

We went to Muir Woods on Labor Day which was an all day affair. Dexter is such a dawdler. I think if we went by his pace, we'd STILL be there. When he's out somewhere, he either won't move, or else he won't stay in one place. It's always the opposite of what we want him to do. We went the shortest path which I'm pretty sure might be a mile and it took 2 HOURS! He ran the last half of it, so the first half was right down painful. He loved getting in the dirt. He found a stick that became a lightsaber (of course). He saw deer and had a chipmunk follow him because smart animals know that toddlers equal crumbs. He climbed inside and outside giant trees. We had fun even though he took forever.

That's all the writing I can muster for today. I hope to feel better soon!

Not Much is New

There isn't much different about Dexter these days. He learns to say new words everyday like "abominable". He learned to do somersaults on his birthday. He climbs everything in the playground, including slides. He eats almost anything we put in front of him, even when it's adventurous meals like Ethiopian or Chinese food. He's loud and boisterous. He screams a lot when he's not getting his way. He throws tantrums. He loves skateboards, bikes and his new blue scooter. He's doing very well at potty training since I introduced mini-marshmallows as an incentive. He's started using the toilet sometimes. He's even gone in public restrooms. He's in pull-ups most of the day except nap-time and bedtime. Before bedtime he gets to wear big boy underwear for a little while if he uses the potty. He's just a fantastic little boy. He's pretty well-behaved most of the time, polite, smart, curious. I couldn't be blessed more.

We're starting to look for a preschool for him to go to. It's odd to think of him going to school already, but most places have wait lists and absurd application fees. We have to start now, so that he might be able to start in the Spring. He has to be 2.5 years to start preschool. I'm hoping that he's potty trained by then. He should be, but 2 year olds are odd little creatures that like to prove they can make decisions. If he decides to battle over the potty some day, it wouldn't surprise me at all. It will be good for him to be around kids for a few hours a day. He can make new friends and play with the same kids everyday. He's a bit shy, but offer him your hand for a five and he's just fine.

Business is slow right now. We're finishing up some projects that we've been working on over the summer. I think the slow economy has finally hit us, but it's hard to tell. There is always a slow time every year. This one seems to correlate to summer vacations and current projects taking longer to get started. We've done quite a few pitches for new work with most of them not panning out. It's been a stressful time, but we have enough work to get by. I hear there is an avalanche of work coming this fall. I hope so, but I'm not holding my breath. Our shop is poised to do some truly wicked work with motion graphics and interactive. We're at the top of our game, so it would be great to have some challenging new work come our way.

2nd Birthday Bash

(This post is coming late after a whirlwind of work and sudden zap from my normal energy levels.)

Dexter's birthday was on a Friday this year. We celebrated by opening the gifts we got him which was primarily clothes. He also opened the present he has been talking about all summer, since our visit to Kansas, which was a tiny 3-wheeled blue scooter. He loved it and rode around forever. He even wanted to take a nap with it. We spent most of the day and half the night working on an elaborate robot cake and robot cookies for the party on Saturday. We combined a housewarming with Dexter's birthday party since having two separate parties would be twice the work and would likely never happen.

We invited a lot of people since we haven't been out to socialize much. A lot of people came, and it was a lot of fun to see everyone. Our new place seemed to work well for the 30 or so that came. The kids all loved Dexter's train table. There were only a few spats, though I distinctly remember Dexter growling "I want the big green train. He's mine!"

When it came time for Dexter to blow out his candles, everyone sang "Happy Birthday". It was the loudest birthday song I have heard in recent memory. Dexter had the biggest grin because people were singing to him. He tried blowing out the candles, but he didn't have enough wind-power. I blew them out just as he reached out to grab the candles (just like last year). I'm hoping next year he'll figure it out.

I didn't think he'd really appreciate a party this year or remember it, but he still talks about it. He tells me how he blew the candles out, ate cake, and people sang "Happy Birthday" to him. He talks about "opening the yellow present that had a blue scooter in it that's not Cassie's scooter" (the owner of the Kansas scooter).

He received way too many gifts. I really didn't expect people to bring gifts, but many people did. It is fun to buy gifts for little kids though. I just wasn't expecting the quantity. Dexter was a madman jumping from toy to toy. He has a few new favorites including Superman taped to a skateboard and a book that I even liked reading when I was a kid.

Eventually, he did get overwhelmed and spent some time in our bedroom to get away from everybody and everything. He told Mike at one point "No birthday party!" HE screamed and cried as 2 year olds do, but he came out after a bit and was much happier and calmer. He did great considering how many people there were and the party being 4.5 hours long.

After everyone left we had pizza on the couch and Dexter said "I like pizza" like it had never occurred to him before. He's a cutie-pie. It's weird to think that he's now 2 years old. He can walk, run, talk, jump, climb ladders, and mimc every bad behavior he shouldn't. He's a little boy now. Trouble and all, but so much fun!

A Change in Pain

I have suffered for 5 years with what the doctor called an "inflammatory arthritis" that was easiest to explain as rheumatoid arthritis since it did the exact same thing. My fingers have enlarged joints and the aching pain everywhere made life miserable sometimes. At various points, I couldn't straighten my arm, turn my head, or open my mouth more than halfway. At my worst point, I felt like I was 30 going on 80. I had such muscle weakness and fatigue that I couldn't carry a load of laundry. I could barely climb into our clawfoot tub to shower. It took 6 months of pain and fatigue to get a diagnosis. I was put on a ton of potent medication to keep things bearable. I had to have 4-6 vials of blood drawn every 3-6 months to make sure my liver wasn't going toxic from the medicine. I had to mentally work through the fact that it wasn't going to get better. I'd have to deal with it for the rest of my life. It's not fun to think about not getting better, but I took it one day at a time and got through it like people do.

When I was pregnant it was better. I barely had to take any medicine. That continued after Dexter was born because I was breastfeeding. It was fine until he was about 6 months old and started eating solid food that squelched his appetite for breastmilk. Then it was a quick whirlwind of starting to take another medicine that wasn't compatible with breastfeeding, weaning Dexter, and then being back on all the medicine at higher doses than I'd ever been on. That led to adding another 10lbs to my post-baby weight. By his first birthday, I wasn't feeling well at all.

Oddly though, after 2 weeks of vacation in Colorado, I felt better. I chalked it up to less stress. I went on a diet and lost over 40lbs over the next 6 months. I felt better because I was exercising and eating well. I went down on my medicines a bit. I was back to the dosages I had been on for the years before Dexter. Then we moved.

Within a month of moving, I was feeling really well. I started taking less and less medicine until I was down to just one prescription. A month ago, I stopped taking that one too and I feel fine. It's had me thinking about the fact that it may have been our old apartment that was making me sick for the last 5 years. Mold? A neighbor below us moved out because of mold, but I thought it was silly. Now I'm not so certain.

Every time I was away from that apartment for any length of time, I felt better. It took moving to a new place for me to realize it, and for my symptoms to disappear. I was sick from 2 weeks after moving into that old apartment until about a month after moving out. That seems pretty cut and dry to me that it was the place making me sick all along. I'm happy that I won't have to deal with the pain for the rest of my life. I'm angry that it drastically affected the quality of my life for so long when it could've so easily been fixed. I will not be moving into another 100 year old house in San Francisco. I will just appreciate the beautiful Victorians and Edwardians from the safety of the sidewalk from now on.

Potty Training

It always amazes me how a vacation takes weeks to get things back in order. That's exactly why we've already planned another vacation in September. I think if we plan a vacation every 3 months, we'll always have something to look forward to. This time, we will be visiting San Diego. It should be warm, sunny and there are tons of beaches and kid-friendly things to do. I actually am having a tough time deciding where to go - Sea World, Lego Land, Disneyland? We're aiming for one… or two.

I'm hoping Dexter might be potty trained decently for the trip. He's doing pretty well at home now in just a couple weeks. He's going about 40% of the time in the potty and keeps asking to go on Mommy & Daddy's potty which is funny to see him perched on a massive toilet. Today was 90% poop in the potty day. I'm so glad to not have to change those poopy diapers. I'm not sure why potty training even started, but it did. He's been running around with just pull-ups or nothing at all. There have been accidents - just ask our nanny. She became a victim this morning along with the floor, the rug and the couch. It's messy business.

R & R in Kansas

We just got back from a week in Kansas. It was so very nice to visit 90 degree weather and wear shorts and flip-flops without thinking twice about it. I'm pretty sure I'm not as pasty-white anymore, but definitely still white. I think it would take a few months to get rid of the pale glow I've acquired while living in San Francisco. Here, we where sweaters in July.

Dexter was a real trooper traveling. He had tantrums both times, but it was understandable. It's an all day affair. We had to get up at 4am to get to the SF airport for a 6:45am flight. That was a challenge. Luckily, Dexter caught up on his sleep and slept most of the 2.5 hour flight to Denver. Literally, he was excited to be in the plane one minute and right as we took off, his eyes closed. We all got a nap. That was the flight though that even though he slept for most of the trip, he occasionally kicked the seat in front of him and the guy got pissed about it. I took Dexter's shoes off when we got on and did my best to stop him, but he does get fidgety. I don't feel bad though, the guy was a bitch. He leaned back his seat and pinched Dexter's foot when we first got on the plane, made him cry and didn't apologize for it so he totally deserved it every little kick he got.

After 4 hours of plane travel, there's was a 2.5 hour drive - my parents live in the boonies - and Dex could only scream the last hour. That wasn't fun. He did really well coming back too except the last leg of the trip. He was cranky with a dirty diaper and teething pain, but after a change and the Tylenol kicked in, he wasn't too bad. He couldn't sit still and was up in my lap, then dad's lap, and then on the floor every two minutes Annoying, but tolerable. At least the kicking and screaming had stopped.

Dexter loved his grandparents' house. He got to ride and DRIVE a lawn mower. He ran around without any shoes one 90% of the time. He got so dirty every day that he NEEDED a bath and had 2-3 changes of clothes. He had two cute puppies from the neighbor's house to play with. One of them was chihuahua so he called him "like Squee". We all played soccer everyday. We bought Dexter a mini-ATV to ride on for something fun to do. That was great, except it didn't go on the grass, so we went on the street once. After that, it was in the house and on the deck only. He loved his "motorcycle". It's waiting for him there for Christmas. We also took Dexter to the swimming pool. He loved it. He kept jumping off the side of the pool into our arms. By the time we left, he was walking from the waist high shallow end to where the water was up to his chin - shadowed, but unassisted. He's a little daredevil through and through.

We had to work bit on various projects, so if Dexter was napping or asleep, we were working. It wasn't too bad, but it would be nice to get away from work. I doubt that will happen anytime soon. If there is an internet connection, work will be done.

The reason we went back to kansas was for a memorial for Mike's mother and brother as some of their ashes were buried in a cemetery. It was a sad day, but his whole family was there. We got to visit with everyone and everyone got to meet Dexter. There was a gathering after the memorial where we all sat and chatted, ate lunch and then released balloons. Dexter had a hard time with his balloon flying away. He ran after it so fast. I wasn't sure he was going to stop. Poor guy kept asking "Where'd white ballon go?"

In true Kansas style, Mike shot guns before we had to leave. I don't know why I find that so funny. It was almost as funny as watching him drive a lawnmower around in shorts and flip-flops with his sleeves rolled up to look like a sleeveless t-shirt. It was so uncharacteristic of urbanite Mike.

We took Dexter to the zoo, he ate ice cream several times, and pretty much just spoiled him as much as we could all week. It was awesome to be around family. We barely get to see them. Dexter is really latching onto Mike. The father/son bond is getting stronger. I'm not sure why its changed lately, but it has. Dexter asked for Mike to sing him to sleep the other night for the very first time. That made Mike a little teary eyed which was so touching.

We drove to see my grandma, Dexter's great grandma, the day before we left. That was nice to break up the trip a little for Dex. We drove the 2.5 hours to see her and stayed the night in Wichita. My brother and his family drove from Manhattan to see us as well. I also saw an uncle and a cousin. It was nice to chat and see everybody. We stayed the night at Mike's sister's house. That gave Dex the opportunity to play quite a bit before heading to the airport.

He slept as soon as we took off and slept the first leg of the trip. The second leg of the trip from Denver to SF wasn't so great, but we got here. Since Dexter's bedtime was so messed up and he was so excited to get home to see Squee we decided to try and catch the fireworks. It started at 9:30 instead of 9 which made it a challenge for Dex to stay awake, but as soon as they started he was happy. He hasn't stopped talking about the "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Like fireworks!" He did stay up long enough to make it home. He said "I missed you Squee!" as soon as he got in the door. It was very cute. I couldn't think of a better end to a vacation.

Teething Dreams

I really need some sleep. I detest teething. A new tooth appeared this week. This coincides with Dexter not sleeping well and starting to remember his dreams. He has been dreaming about a statue. I think it's the one from the playground, but I'm not sure. He said it was in the hallway, which is so creepy. I'd scream too if I saw a statue standing in the hallway. I can't explain to him that it's not real. How do you explain what a dream is to a not-yet 2 year old? It has to be frightening.

We have just entered a new phase which is the beginning of explaining everything. This isn't limited to dreams. He has started asking "What's that?" over and over and over again. I haven't heard anybody ever mention the "What's that?" phase. I'm guessing it's the precursor to the "Why?" phase. It's cute, but already getting annoying. We went to Walgreens to fill my prescription. In the half hour we waited, he walked around saying "What's that?" every two feet. I'm pretty sure he said it at least fifty times. I did my best to tell him what each item was, but I think that has just made it worse. It's awesome that he's curious. There is so much for him to learn about and he's so open to learning about everything. I've been starting to counter his question with "What do you think it is?" It doesn't stop him from asking, but at least he can answer it himself sometimes.

Work & Life

It's the bane of motherhood, the "balance" of working and home life. It's never in balance, it's never equal, and it never will be. It's been a tough realization, but one that I'm comfortable with. I'm very happy working and feeling productive, but my son is my priority. I can do the occasional late night, but I won't be working full time again for a few years. Unfortunately, that dynamic is a particularly difficult one with a husband/wife owned company. This means that Mr. Cobra is the one who takes on more of the stress and responsibility for the company we equally started. He misses out on various nibbles of Dexter's childhood. He is around most of the time, but when things get difficult, he's the one to pick up the slack. It's a tough situation for us to be in a constant struggle to balance between us the duties of home and work. There's guilt on my end because I can't devote the same amount of time to the company and an unbelievable amount of pressure on his end to be accountable for both of ours' and our employees' livelihoods at the cost of having time at home. I find the balance of our relationship much harder than balancing work and motherhood. Mr. Cobra has let me be in a comfortable place at the cost of his own stress level. With his recent health problems, it has become a boiling pot of emotion. We will work through it, but it's a test of our entrepreneurial spirit and our personal perseverance.

Owning a business isn't easy; mix in health and family issues, and it is so much harder to find a happy balance of all of them without one of them suffering in some way. People who own a business that becomes successful, they truly deserve respect, maybe even a medal of some sort. We started our company without any seed money, loans or investors. It continues to this day to run under it's own steam. We are working on some of the most creative and challenging projects to date. We love what we do and it's often hard to get our heads above water enough to realize how awesome it is to "get paid to play". We aren't in business to become billionaires. We chose the wrong field for that. We just want to be able to live comfortably in one of the most expensive cities to live in. If we can do that, do great work, and employ some sick talent, and raise a happy/healthy family then we've been successful. I think we are almost there.