Being a mother of two has required more of me than I have to give some days. While it's wonderful, it has left me with even less time to myself and less time with my husband. I remember thinking the same thing when Dex was born, but now I have to contend with the sleep deprivation alongside the energy and tantrums of an almost three year old. Dex is beginning to get very jealous about sharing all his favorite people with his new sister. He can't be the center of attention anymore, and he's having a hard time dealing with it. It is expected and completely normal, but sad nonetheless.
I have been having to work a lot lately. It's amazing how one person dropping the ball on a project can become a personal train wreck. I haven't been able to rest like I should or spend time with my kids as I'd hoped. I'm having a hard time being productive in between nursing, diaper changes, play time and visits from Dex. I spent a whole day just writing vendor checks - something that should've taken an hour at most. It's difficult to say the least. It's only getting harder as Brix is awake more and more. I've been handing her over to the nanny in the afternoons which has helped lately. However, it makes me feel more guilty for working and not being able to enjoy this irreplaceable time as it flies by. I'm going to take some real time off in July/August.
What's it like with two? There are the back to back diaper changes, screaming in tandem, when one goes to sleep the other wakes up, and paying too much attention to one makes the other cry. There is also the sweetness of laughs, smiles, gentleness and wonderment of a big brother admiring his little sister and vice versa. It is a lot of work. I learned the hard way when Mike took a much needed vacation - alone.
The day he left was the same day our nanny got sick. Dex was already sick and had passed it on to her. I could do a day or two with both the kids. That wasn't too bad, except I got sick the following day. I couldn't have anyone come over to help because they would get sick. I couldn't have Dexter go over to any friends' houses because they'd get sick. Luckily, one friend had what Dex had, so his parents took Dex for a couple hours on a couple days. That gave me some much needed time to catch up on housework and relax a bit before the tornado came home. All in all I spent 3.5 days sick and alone watching the kids. It was difficult and not something I'd want to do again anytime soon. It was just the right mix of the worst circumstances. I was supposed to have extra support from our nanny and lots of playdates, so my husband could go and relax. It didn't happen that way for me, but my husband had a very good vacation that he desperately needed. He came back renewed and had a spiritual journey that allowed him to deal with some personal issues he hadn't had time to deal with. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat for him because he came back a changed man. It was the best thing for all of us. It proved to me that even under tough conditions, I can take care of my kids alone if needed. I needed that just as much as he needed his vacation.
