Sometimes I feel like I've got it down. I haven't killed him or broke him and he smiles when he sees me, so I think he may even like me. Other times I feel like I'm just winging it. I haven't been around babies much, just my own. I'm still warming up to kids of other ages. I have no idea how to entertain a 6 month old, a one year old, or a 2 year old. I do know how to make Dex smile and laugh. I suppose that's all I need to know. I just hope that he won't require 10 years of therapy because I laughed when he peed in his own face. I'm not a BAD mom, just an inexperienced one.
I've read some advice about why Dexter is waking up in the middle of the night - because I'm LETTING him eat! He doesn't actually need to eat, which makes sense because he'll sleep 7 hours straight through like nothing sometimes. I just assumed he was hungry because of a growth spurt (which is long over), but in feeding him, I've trained him that it's okay to wake up and eat. I'm right in trying to wean him off his 2 am need to feed. I'm hoping to shave a minute off each night, but he's not predictable. I hope it works, so I don't need to let him cry through it. Our neighbors will hate us if we do that, but the bags under my eyes threaten to need their own handles any day now.
I also read about sleep training ideas on how to get Dex to sleep on his own, so that he can fall asleep by himself when he wakes up in the middle of the night. I've been pretty good with the "fuss it out" method. Then I read that he needs to be awake when put into the crib so that the last memory he has is the crib and the mattress and not nursing or me. I followed that advice and put him down to sleep wide awake instead of letting him nurse himself to sleep. He cried and cried for several minutes like he's never cried before. I was determined to see it through because giving in would just show him that crying that way worked. This is the exact method I was so happy I'd avoided and now I found myself trying to not pick up my screaming baby. It didn't work at all. I gave in and scooped him up and crying and apologizing to never do that again. I felt so bad. It was awful. I think he was just too awake when I put him down, but I hadn't realized it. I calmed him down, held him and nursed him following the same direction to not let him fall asleep while nursing. This time he was drowsy and didn't even fuss. The same thing happened tonight. Not even a whimper.
I also have been hitting his head on things. He's getting so big that I forget how far his noggin sticks out. I can't make it through doorways as easily anymore and I've learned that the hard way. He doesn't usually cry - it's not THAT hard, just a graze. It's enough to make me wince more than him. I'm almost certain his first word will be something "o-sh*t-sorry". The worst was when we were leaving the gym and I was getting ready to nurse him in the front seat of the car. I took him out of the stroller and proceeded to knock his head on the door frame of the car. He cried really hard that time, I teared up as well for being so clumsy. I thought for sure I'd cracked his skull or gave him brain damage. After I nursed him, I looked for a bump or a mark. Nothing! I felt the place where he'd hit his head on the car. Luckily, it was soft plastic and weather stripping. It sure scared me though.
I find that I cry more about Dexter crying than I have about anything else. It hurts me to the core of my being unlike anything I've ever experienced. Perhaps it's still my hormones making me all weepy because I don't see moms of 5 year olds crying when their kids get a skinned knee. My luck I will be the sole soccer mom carrying around a box of Kleenex for herself - I'm such a softy these days.
